


I didn't mean to

by amphrites



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Frustration, Hurt!Merlin, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Training, javelins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-12
Updated: 2014-05-12
Packaged: 2018-01-24 12:00:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1604381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amphrites/pseuds/amphrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arthur and his father have a disagreement and Arthur decides to train to release some tension.<br/>Merlin knew the training shields were getting a little worn, but he’d put off fixing them. <br/>Arthur shoots his arrows and throws his javelins while Merlin acts as a target.<br/>Merlin feels the javelin pierce his back before he hears it smash through the worn word.<br/>Arthur sees Merlin fall, and doesn’t see him get back up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I didn't mean to

               “Father, I protected the villages, isn’t that all that matters?” Arthur yelled, and his father, Uthur Pendragon reared his head and glowered at Arthur.

               “Those villages mean _nothing_ in compare to your life, and life of the knights you put in jeopardy to save those villages,” Uther raged. He stalked the throne room a couple times before turning back to Arthur.

               “Father, they are our people just as much as the people in the lower town! Why are they any different?” Arthur roared.

               “You ill-mannered _child_! I told you not to go, and you deliberately disobeyed my orders! I should have you thrown in the dungeons for a week for this insolence! You need to learn discipline, Arthur, or you will never be a good king. You have yet to show me you have what it takes to rule Camelot!

               So far, all I see is an arrogant boy who does what he want with _no_ regard for the throne. You have to learn that if you’re gone, Camelot will fall. Do you want that, Arthur? Is that what you want?” Uther thundered. He was face to face with Arthur, his eyes wild. Arthur remained stoic, and he refused to let his father see any sign of emotion. They stared at each other, neither man backing down. Neither would have, if it hadn’t have been for Gaius, the court physician.

               “Sire, if I may. Arthur is back and the villages are safe. Surely that is enough?” Gaius mediated, and Uther broke the stare to turn to him.

               “Gaius, please, don’t interfere with matters you have no part in,” Gaius raised an eyebrow at the King’s words but stepped back nonetheless. Uther turned back to his son, his face apathetic.

               “Arthur, you are not to leave the city until I tell you otherwise. You shall be under constant supervision by a knight, and you will answer to me every day. You will eat all your meals with me, and you will not complain. Do you understand?” Uther’s tone challenged Arthur to object, and the Prince opened his mouth to complain, but closed it.

               “Good, now go. Get out of my sight,” Uther turned away from Arthur and walked to his throne.

               “Come, Merlin!” Arthur ordered, and his servant followed him out of the throne room. He stayed close to Arthur’s heel.

               “Arthur, calm down. You can’t just barge through the castle like this. You’ll hurt someone, or break something,” Merlin pointed out, and Arthur growled softly under his breath.

               “Fine. Then go and get the training gear ready. I wish to practice,” Arthur ordered under his breath, and Merlin nodded. Arthur inhaled after Merlin left and he was alone, and he leaned against a wall.

___

               “I do hope you actually followed my orders when I said to repair the training shields, _Mer_ lin,” Arthur jeered, and Merlin paled slightly. Arthur still felt frustrated from his encounter with his father, and it made the boy shake his head every so often.

               “Ah no, I forgot that bit,” Merlin smiled, his ears poking out through his brown hair. He laughed nervously, and followed behind Arthur closely. The Prince shook his head slightly and looked back at the boy.

               “Really, I should sack you on the spot. There are so many qualified people who would be _fighting_ for this job, and yet, you don’t seem to care in the slightest,” Arthur shook his head again, and Merlin shrugged.

               “Why am I still here then, idiot?” Merlin retorted. Arthur had grown so used to their bickering that he no longer angered when Merlin insulted him, rather he reveled in it.

               “Insulting the Crown Prince of Camelot is a crime, Merlin. I should have you put in the stocks,” Arthur cautions, and Merlin laughs.

               “All talk and no actions, my Lord. I’m beginning to get comfortable, despite your threats,” Merlin replied, and Arthur grinned.

               “For that, you can hold the shields, Merlin. And I want a bit of _moving_ target practice, not a barn door, _Mer_ lin. You understand?” Arthur clapped Merlin on the back, sending the smaller boy tumbling over his feet.

               “Oh yes, _Sire_ , crystal clear,” Merlin’s eyes glinted, and Arthur’s stomach flipped. He gulped and picked up his sword, placing a distance between him and Merlin.

               “Alright, Merlin, let’s start,” Arthur said. He lunged at Merlin, who quickly used the wooden shield to block the blade. The metal sunk slightly into the centre of the shield, but Arthur freed it quickly.

               “Really, Arthur, it’s a wonder you’re still alive. Is this how you always fight? Should I even call this fighting?” Merlin mocked him, and Arthur sensed the challenge in his voice.

               “Oh, Merlin, if it’s a fight you want,” Arthur replied, and he lunged, quicker this time. He parried, and he left Merlin scrambling to shield himself. They moved rapidly over the lush green training grounds, jumping over carts and stands of weapons. Merlin ducked behind the shield, overturning tables periodically. Arthur jumped them effortlessly, following Merlin easily.

               “Come on, Arthur!” Merlin goaded, and Arthur stepped it up with a grunt. He drove his sword forward, and Merlin again caught the blade in the dead centre of the shield again. The wood was raised, and riddled with indentations from overuse.

               “Really, Merlin, is this fighting?” Arthur grunted, and Merlin grinned from behind the shield. He ran quickly behind a stand, and suddenly a cart of hay tumbled onto Arthur. He struggled his way out of the hay, and he saw Merlin standing a ways off, grasping his knees from laughter. Arthur’s pride hurt, he quickly looked around for a weapon. A javelin lay close nearby, and Arthur grinned widely as he picked it up.

               “Merlin, think fast!” Arthur yelled, and he threw the javelin with almost all of his strength. Merlin looked up and raised the shield in response, turning his body to brace himself for the impact. Arthur watched as the javelin sunk into the wood, and the impact pushed Merlin to the ground. Arthur reared his head back and laughed, he laughed until he couldn’t breathe. Arthur, clutching his side, roared with laughter and triumph.

               “You see, Merlin? That’s what fighting is. I even gave you a warning!” Arthur chuckled, and he looked over at Merlin, expecting to see the boy sitting on the ground, shaking his head or laughing with him. Instead, Merlin was still on the ground, the shield laying on top of him. Arthur’s laughter caught in his throat, and he frowned.

               “Merlin?” he inquired, quietly. He approached Merlin, and he saw Merlin’s eyes were closed. _Had I knocked him out?_ Arthur wondered. He was sure that the fall couldn’t have rendered Merlin unconscious, and Arthur’s brow furrowed. He kneeled down beside Merlin, gently shaking his shoulder.

               “Hey, Merlin, get up. Wake up,” Arthur shook Merlin, but he didn’t wake. Arthur rocked back on his haunches, and brought his hands away from Merlin. When Arthur took his hands off the smaller boy, he was horrified to see red smeared over his fingers. _Blood_ , his mind supplied, and Arthur jumped up.

               “Merlin? Merlin, what happened? Merlin, talk to me!” Arthur roared, and he looked desperately for the source of the bleeding. He tried to lift the shield off of Merlin, but something was keeping it from coming off. With further inspection, Arthur saw that the javelin had broken through the old wood, and embedded itself in Merlin’s back. Arthur couldn’t breathe, and he felt bile rise up in his throat. Judging by how much of the javelin he couldn’t see, Arthur guessed that the tip of the javelin was firmly embedded in Merlin. He went back around to Merlin, and he grabbed Merlin’s face in his calloused hands.

               “Merlin? Merlin, please wake up! I don’t know what to do! I need to get you to Gaius, but what about the javelin? If I take it out you’ll bleed to death, but how in bloody hell am I supposed to carry you to his chambers with a shield pinned to your back? Answer me, goddammit!” Arthur yelled, and he shook Merlin’s face. Merlin’s eyes fluttered slightly, and he groaned. Arthur exhaled sharply and searched Merlin’s face for anything else. Merlin’s eyebrows twitched, and his eyes cracked open slightly.

               “Don’t… take out… Bring… Gaius…” Merlin wheezed, and Arthur nodded, but he stopped, biting his lips.

               “I can’t just leave you here alone! Oh god, I’m sorry. This is my fault. I did this. I didn’t mean to. Merlin, you won’t die, do you hear me? I won’t let you die,” Arthur babbled, and he looked around frantically for anyone. A stable boy was walking by, and Arthur called out to him. He came over, his eyes bulging when he took in the scene.

               “Go. Go get Gaius, tell him it’s urgent. If he still doesn’t follow you, tell him it’s Merlin,” Arthur ordered. The boy bowed and left, running up the hill towards the castle. Arthur turned his attention back to Merlin, who was starting to wheeze slightly.

               “Merlin? Merlin, what can I do?” Arthur’s hand floated uselessly over Merlin, trying to find some way to help him. Merlin coughed quietly and cleared his throat.

               “Turn… over… Can’t… breathe…” Merlin rasped, and Arthur immediately obeyed. He turned Merlin onto his side, and then rested the boy against his knees. Merlin’s breathing opened somewhat, and Arthur inhaled deeply.

               “You absolute idiot, I told you to repair the shields! Why can’t you ever just do as you’re told?” Arthur cried, and he hated how helpless he sounded to himself. Merlin didn’t seem to notice, and he just concentrated on breathing. They stayed in that position, and were still like that when Gaius came running towards them moments later.

               “Sire? What’s happened? How did this…” Gaius trailed off when he saw the javelin and Merlin, and he raised an eyebrow. Arthur’s stomach dropped, and he felt the guilt hit him like an enemy horse.

               “Please, Gaius, help. I don’t know what to do. I didn’t mean to,” Arthur looked up at the old man, who merely stared.

               “He needs to come to my chambers, and I’ll do what I can for him,” was all Gaius said.

___

               Arthur paced outside the door to the physician’s chambers. It had taken four careful knights to bring Merlin safely to the chamber, and Gaius had refused to let Arthur stay. Nothing Arthur said had any effect on him, and the large wooden door was closed in Arthur’s face.

               It had been hours. A servant had come to take Arthur to the mandatory dinner with his father, but Arthur had sent him away with a well-placed threat and a stern order. Arthur couldn’t leave or eat with Merlin in there. Arthur had heard shouting, and sometimes it had been Merlin, exclaiming in pain. Arthur wanted to run to the farthest corner of the castle and cower in the shadows. This was all his fault. He was frustrated from his fight with his father, and he had stupidly let himself get carried away. It was all his fault, whether he meant for it to happen or not. Merlin’s shouts were branded into Arthur’s memory, and they replayed over and over in his mind, bringing him to the brink of insanity. Arthur felt like banging on the large wooden doors, demanding that they be opened, but he was worried he’d distract Gaius from saving Merlin. Arthur weaved his fingers through his hair, and paced a few more times. He turned towards the door with the intent of knocking but it opened before Arthur could touch the wood.

               “He is weak. Luckily, the javelin didn’t hit his spine, but it severed an artery, so he lost a lot of blood. I was able to cauterize the wound. We must watch for infection, and I don’t expect him to be moving about for several weeks,” Gaius reported. His eyebrow was hidden in his hairline, and Arthur exhaled at his words.

               “But he’s alive, Gaius? I didn’t kill him?” Arthur had to hear the words, and Gaius nodded.

               “No, Sire, you didn’t kill him. Merlin is still alive,” Arthur knees almost buckled, but he held himself up. Gaius moved aside slightly, and Arthur fell into the room, stumbling towards where Merlin lay on the cot. Sweat lay in a fine layer on his forehead and neck, and a large bandage was wrapped around Merlin’s torso. With Merlin laying on his stomach, Arthur could see the red bleed through the bandages, dotting the white. Arthur saw Merlin’s back rise and fall with his labored breath, and Arthur did collapse then. He fell against the bed, finding himself sitting in a chair set near the cot.

               “I’m so sorry, Merlin. This is my fault. Because of me, you’re...” Arthur trailed off, and his head fell into his hands. His emotions left Arthur feeling exhausted, and he felt like sleeping for a week. A few tears escaped, but they stayed hidden in the safety of Arthur’s hands. He sniffed quietly a couple times, and a hand touched Arthur’s wrist. Looking up, Arthur saw Merlin’s bony hand lightly trailing over Arthur’s wrist, and Arthur grabbed onto the hand. He held onto it, and he squeezed it hard. Merlin’s eyes fluttered open, and he glanced over at Arthur.

               “Next time, dollop-head, try not to kill me, eh?” Merlin whispered, and Arthur laughed. His laugh was shaky, and Merlin cracked a small smile.

               “I’m so sorry, Merlin. I shouldn’t have gotten carried away like that. I was fighting as if you were a heavily trained soldier, and I had no right to throw that javelin at you. This is all my fault,” Arthur apologized profusely, and Merlin shook his head slightly.

               “Shut up, you idiot. I didn’t repair the shields, you throw too hard, it’s both of our faults. Don’t beat yourself up over it, okay? I’m going to be fine,” Merlin held Arthur’s gaze for a long time before closing his eyes and grinning, “And you’re not getting rid of me that easily. I’ll be there, counting your screw-ups before you know it.” Arthur laughed again, and he felt a little better. Having Merlin just be there, talking, joking, made Arthur feel like a weight was lifted from his shoulders. The guilt was still there, but now he could breathe. Merlin always made him feel a little better, and a wave of gratitude washed over Arthur.

               “Thanks, Merlin, for not dying,” Arthur whispered, and Merlin smiled.

               “Would I ever leave you, you clot-pole?” Merlin asked incredulously, his eyes closed again. Arthur grinned and squeezed Merlin’s hand tighter.

               “You’d never,” Arthur agreed, and under his breath he added, “and never will I leave you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
